Friday, December 19, 2008

Dear Santa, I Think I Want Boobs for Christmas

Like clockwork, at four weeks into my training, it happens: I wake up and they're gone.

My boobs go missing!

Don't get me wrong—I'm happy to see my bodyfat drastically dropping. But less fat means less chest, and I feel like my femininity just flew out the window!

So, given my constant competing and weight fluctuations, I've been thinking of sending the following letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

As you know, I've been a really good girl this year. I've eaten clean during my competition training, and I've worked hard in the gym to achieve my goals.

So if you happen to have any extra silicone lying around, could you please fashion me a nice pair of breasts?

They don't have to be huge, but I'd like them to be full and round and suit my physique. I think they'll help balance my figure, so that I feel more like a lady when my estrogen runs out.



P.S. I will leave you a Nitro-Tech Cookies and Cream protein shake instead of the usual fare—it'll be healthier for you.

I was once very against breast implants—I didn't see the point.

But now I can't help but feel that girls who get them have better overall figures and a beautiful balance to their frames.

So I admit it: I am seriously thinking of saving my pennies for a beautiful pair of breasts!

Sure, I could use tricks like jellies, padding and makeup. But at the end of the day, when I ... unpack, I still feel like I belong in a copy of National Geographic, standing among the indigenous tribes of hard working women in remote areas of the world where bras don't exist.

And I don't buy that working my pecs will help fill them out—I can bench 145 pounds (for reps!), and I have yet to see an improvement.

So, my fellow figure competitors and fitness fans, I ask you this: Do you feel like girls with implants have an advantage in competition?

And if you were to get implants, would you get them under your pecs or over them?

And saline or silicone?

Let me know. I could use a little help here.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

On the Road to the Arnold Classic

Five months ago, I stepped off a stage in London, Ontario, completely devastated.

I didn't make the top three in my category at the provincials. My winning streak had come to a close.

As you can imagine, I was pretty distraught. I hadn't met my goals. I had let myself down.

Then, just when I was at my lowest, something brilliant happened. A letter arrived with news that shook my world: I was accepted to compete at the Arnold Classic in 2009.

In case you're new to the sport, the Arnold Classic is one of the biggest physique events in the world. It takes place every March in Columbus, Ohio, and I'll be right there, on stage with many of the figure competitors I admire.

Me at the Arnolds—I still can't believe it! This is BIG!

Unfortunately, so am I.

After falling short in London, I fell into a depressed slump—also known as the post-competition blues. I know I should be gaining a bit of weight in my off season, but I ate every cookie that came within a 10-foot radius of my mouth!

I stuck to my weight training and a reduced cardio regimen, but it wasn't enough to counterbalance my incessant off-season snacking.

I now have a journey ahead of me: I need to drop 30 pounds by March 1st.

So watch out, Columbus! Tomorrow the transformation begins.